Friday, April 01, 2005


Washington, D.C.
April 1, 2005

President Bush today signed into law his landmark oil legislation, the "No OPEC Nation Left Behind" Act of 2005, which sets certain minimum standards of oil production that each member of the OPEC cartel will be held to, and authorizes the use of military encouragement should any member state fall behind on meeting their minimum quotas.

Immediately after signing the legislation, the President ordered the US Navy to move four carrier battle groups into position to assist in state takeovers of the most troubled OPEC nations, Venezuela and Iran, which are viewed as potentially likely to miss their quotas this year.

President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela belted out an immediate statement in reaction to the President's legislation:

"Don't cry for me Venezuela,
my soul is with you;
my whole life,
I dedicate to you.
Now and forever,
I am Venezuela."

Iran's top mullahs had no comment on the President's legislation, but released the following statement about their nuclear aspirations:

"We will not be held back. We will develop nuclear power. We need the power for the benefit of our repressive society.

It takes a million megawatts to hold our nation back! And, yo, word to Flavor Flav."